my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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