they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
