Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
