I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
