we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
