I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
