I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
