Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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