i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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