First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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