he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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