Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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