I got chris browned last night
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
