Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
