So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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