What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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