imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
as a side note pls kill me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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