my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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