about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize