I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
