i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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