you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
