Whats the glycemic index on semen?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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