dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
