he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
