The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
FUCK WHALES
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
