so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize