I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
