nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
