he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
