In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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