when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize