My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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