pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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