we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
