I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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