I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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