I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like eating out sand paper
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
