Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are the jesus of drinking
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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