I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
