I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
