Tell her she can't have a vagina
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My feet surprised me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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