I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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