So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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