This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
