But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
