There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
