So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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