i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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