I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
