I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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