I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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