You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
