If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
