There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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