I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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