Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
