Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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