What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
