So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
