are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
