Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
