there was a trapeze. enough said
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
