I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
