Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
