We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
