Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
