Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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