my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
