you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
