Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
