Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
