I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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