Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
