I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
