You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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