Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
