Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
