I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just high enough for therapy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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