to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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