Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
