got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
