Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
