Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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