I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
