oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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