I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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