Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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