He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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