i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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