"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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