I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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