i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize