i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
