A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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