I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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