margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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