I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
