I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
