I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
