gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
