If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
40s are totally the cure
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
