I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
