I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
