four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize