I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
