I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
