How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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