just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
