We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
