I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
