You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
