Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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