Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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