my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
