After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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