If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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