So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
